inside-outside:were is the response?

I really missed writing here my thoughts for all this time... if you ask me what i did all this time, i 'll respond: all and nothing at all... i lived an intense and interesting life but it was like usually it hapens to me only a cycle, and know it begins one more time...
I fall in love, in general it is something typical for me to fell in love fast and to understand that it was a mistake and forget also fast...i read a book that made me change a little bit and every time i remember what it says i become free at least for some moments("Veronica decides to die" by Paulo Coelho)...i had solved some family problems and celebrated my friend's birthday, spend some days relaxing,walking in parks, listening some good music(jazz)...it seems to be interesting and full of activities but now i look back and what i have inside?? still sorrow ....how to find the way, to live my life ascending not only making circles...
I know that i have nothing to complain of... but still there is a problem...and not only one... i am afraid to live, to love, to make mistakes, afraid of what people can think about me, lack of self confidence... But today is another day and every day is a new begining, i'll take it as a new start for me... Today i'll make anything to be near the person i care about, i'll do what i think is important for me, i'll make somebody smiling and at least 1 hour i'll spend doing the things i love doing... this will be my first step in trying to heal my disease...
what will you do TODAY??